My heart longs for Nicaragua. It always does, but this is one of those times when my heart aches a little bit more than usual. I long to hold those dirty little hands. To kiss on there faces. To be so tired, dirty, filthy in this wonderful, beautiful, never felt so clean kind of way. It feels like home there. A chunk of my heart was left there when I came home last May. Pieces of my heart are spread all across Leon. I know God has called me back. So I know he will provide. It would be easy to look at what we still need and be so overwhelmed. But in ways that I do not understand, God will provide. I do not know where it will come from, but it will come. God will see this to completion. He will make a way.
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More to life than a to do list
I’m not really sure how this whole blogging thing will go. If nothing else, it is another outlet to praise my Father. So here goes…
I love those moments. Moments when God’s love is so evident. When I am so in love with God, and I know he is so in love with me. When I am amazed by his love, power, and wisdom. Yet I know there is more. There is so much more love to discover. There is so much more for me to uncover.
As I was walking home from class today, I was convicted by my lack of concern and lack of praise. I make that walk 5 days a week, and almost every time my thoughts are filled with my to do list or some other such meaningless thing. I am more concerned with MY life, than the life of the person passing by me. I am blessed and happy, but that person could be hurting. That person has a soul that God longs for. How many people do we see a day? A lot. And each one of them is loved by God. But do they know that? Is my life in those brief seconds showing them that? Probably not since I am too busy thinking about my to do list.
Or why in my walk home, am I not lifting constant praise up to my Creator? I am healthy, clothed, fed, and loved. Right this moment there is a child dying because of a lack of medical care. There is a family starving and wearing ragged clothes. There is someone who is alone and doesn’t know what it means to be loved. And here I sit in my nice apartment (that I so often complain about), typing on my laptop, listening to my I-pod, and checking my Blackberry. I have two closets full of clothes, the majority of which I could do without. My kitchen is full of food, yet I often complain that there’s “nothing to eat.” I am surrounded by friends and family that love me dearly. Most importantly, I know the love of a God who has given me all of this and more. I know the love of a God who sacrificed his son for MY sins. I know the love of a God who loves me and desires me even when I choose other things over him. Yet despite all of this, the thing I choose to think about on my walk home is my to do list.
I know there is more to this amazing, exciting, miraculous relationship, and I want more. I want to fall deeper in love with God. I want to know what it is to feel as though I am starving, thirsting, desperate for my Lord. He is Yahweh Yireh, the Lord who will provide, and I cling to that promise.