I now have ten weeks under my belt as a stay at home mom. And I know I am exactly where I need to be right now. Being home with Nora is worth every sacrifice. We may not eat out or have much “fluff” money, but for our family it is so worth it. So what the heck do I do all day?
I actually ask myself that question a lot. Zach will come home from work and as I reflect back on my day I think, “Where did the time go? Did I accomplish anything today?” It is an adjustment for sure. I like to get things done. I like to be caught up on laundry and dishes. I like checking things off my mile long to-do list. But some days, no most days that doesn’t happen…who am I kidding? That never happens anymore. If I really wanted to, I could get a lot more accomplished than I do, but it’s all about priorities. It’s more important to me that my sweet baby get quality interactions with her mommy than for the dishes to be done. Yet, often I still struggle. I get frustrated that our house is not as clean as I would like. I struggle with feeling inadequate that I wasn’t able to take care of my baby, go for a run, go to the grocery store, bake a loaf of bread, be completely caught up on laundry, and have a spotless kitchen with dinner on the table when my husband comes home.
Obviously the standard I am setting for myself is completely ridiculous. I am ever so slowly learning to be content with less. A lot less. God is teaching me to just breathe in these precious moments. He promises to thoroughly equip us to do His will. Which means He will give me everything I need to serve my husband and daughter.
Which leads me to the other lesson I am still learning. Oh man, am I selfish. My poor husband. If he catches me on a bad day, a simple request to bring him a glass of water when I’m already up leads to some major huffing and puffing on my end. “Seriously, I spend all my day taking care of the house, the baby, you, the animals. How dare you ask me to lift one more finger on your behalf.” I have really been convicted of this attitude lately. For one, who wants to be around a person that grumbles like that? I want my husband to look forward to coming home each day. I want our home to be a safe, peaceful place. It certainly won’t be that with the attitude I’ve had! Marriage and babies sure have this magic ability to show you all of the ugly in your heart.
I realize this post makes me sound like a really miserable person, but I LOVE being a stay at home mom! I love that I don’t have to miss sweet moments with my baby. I love that I get to be here when my husband comes home. In general, all things domestic make me happy, even the laundry and dishes. And as painful and uncomfortable as it can be to have the ugly in your heart placed in front of you, I am so grateful for this refining time.
I’m thankful for all of the snuggles
The wonder at all things new, like watching the rain for the first time
And even for the grumpy days
So how do I feel after ten weeks as a stay at home mom? Well sometimes like this…
But I wouldn’t trade this honor for anything in the world.